Ways men can develop and maintain friendships - KALB-TV News Channel 5 & CBS 2

By Howard Seidman, Contributing Writer, myOptumHealth

Content provided by
 

Ever notice how some kids can meet on a playground and become instant friends? They might have nothing in common except for the fact that they both enjoy basketball. Yet, they play as if they've known each other for years.

You may have been one of those boys for whom making friends was easy. As an adult male, though, that knack may not come as easily. But whether you're married, single, in a relationship or have children, having friends is an important part of your social support system. And not having friends can actually have a negative impact on your physical health.

The people men consider friends often change due to time, distance and family circumstances. Grown men tend to be surrounded by a changing group of people. The pool of available friends may seem to dwindle.

The friend influence

Positive friendships can help you overcome depression, and avoid violence and poor health habits. Three recent Swedish studies measured the effect of friends and social networks on the health of men.

The first followed a group of 50-year-olds over six years. Those with fewer friends and support were more likely to have heart disease.

A second followed the amount of social interaction for six years in people ages 30 to 75. Men who had minimal social networks had higher death rates.

A third followed a group of 68-year-olds for five years. Men who lived alone had little social life or low emotional support had a higher mortality rate.

Friends can also make the stresses of life feel easier. In two separate small studies, people who were with a friend estimated that a hill was less steep when compared to estimates made by people who were alone. And participants who thought about a supportive friend while looking at a hill saw it as being less steep than those who thought about a neutral person or someone they didn't like.

Making friends

As men age, more of their time and energy may drift toward relationships with relatives and close friends that are more supportive. Less intimate relationships often fall by the wayside.

If you're looking to develop new friendships, it may be time to review some of the basics of making and keeping friends.

• Find people with similar interests by doing community service, joining a biking, skiing or hiking club or taking classes for fun.
• Get involved in activities at your child's school to meet other parents.
• Take a new look at people around you - neighbors, co-workers, classmates, people at the gym.
• Take your dog to a dog park and talk to others about their canines.
• Join a social networking Web site to reconnect with old acquaintances and be introduced to new ones.
• Vacation with a travel group for the shared memories.

Keeping friends

• Make your friends a priority. Friends are as important to your health as cleaning the house and more valuable than watching TV.
• When you can't spend time with friends, let them know you're thinking of them. Short telephone calls or e-mails can work.
• Don't keep score. Who called who last? Who spent the most on gifts? If you're good friends, then who cares?
• Be there for the good and bad. Everyone wants to enjoy celebrations, but the gesture of showing up for a funeral carries more meaning.

View the original How's it going? Ways men can develop and maintain friendships article on myOptumHealth.com 

SOURCES:

• Schnall S, Harber KD, Stefanucci JK, Proffitt DR. Social support and the perception of geographical slant. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2008;44:1246-1255. Accessed: 10/01/2009

• Karuza J. Social support. In: Duthie EH Jr, Katz PR, Malone ML. Duthie: Practice of Geriatrics. 4th ed. Philadelphia, PA: Saunders Elsevier; 2007. Accessed: 10/01/2009

• Orth-Gomer K, Rosengren A, Wilhelmsen, L. Lack of social support and incidence of coronary heart disease in middle-aged Swedish men. Psychosomatic Medicine. 1993;55:37-43. Accessed: 10/01/2009

• Marcell A. Adolescence. In: Kliegman RM, Behrman RE, Jenson HB, Stanton BF. Kliegman: Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics, 18th ed. Philadelphia, PA: Saunders Elsevier; 2007. Accessed: 10/01/2009