“If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven and bring you back again.
No farewell words were spoken, No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it, and only God knows why.
My heart still aches with sadness and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you - No one can ever know.
But now I know you want me to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten, I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart is where you'll always stay."
- Author unknown
Today is March 16th. 6 months since you were taken from your parents, your family, and your friends. 6 months and I still wake up every morning hoping it was just a bad dream. I miss you every minute of every day. Visiting your grave this morning on the way to work was emotional - all the fading pictures, the flowers, the trinkets, the prominent quiet peace and calm - there is no doubt that you were loved by not just your family, but an entire community.
Yet all I can think in my head is "I'm Sorry".
I'm sorry that I haven't visited your grave more often - it is overwhelming emotionally to remember that you are in there, and not coming by the house later for dinner. But know that thoughts of you are in my mind from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep at night.
I'm sorry that we have not been able to bring your killers to justice. We may never get the full closure that we want or need, but it hurts me most that I did not get to tell you that I love you that one last time.
I'm sorry that despite the awakening and anger from a large part of our community, that we still have not affected the entire community and continue to see these horrible acts committed EVERY DAY.
I'm sorry that someone out there knows who did it, how they did it, why they did it - but can't find it within themselves to provide the information. And meanwhile the homicide count in our area keeps piling up.
I'm sorry that I have not been able to consistently be who I was for you and who you believed me to be. I try every day to find a way to affect change, I try to keep your name out there in a positive way, I try to make contact and alliances with those who can help. Some days I don't have the battle in me - but I try to take advantage of every day that I do.
I'm sorry for the pain and struggles that our family and friends endure on a daily basis - for all the people to whom you were important, significant, and vital. The loss of you is something we will never recover from. I can only hope that when it's my time to go, that I will have made the impact on our world in all the ways that you did. I am so proud of you.
I'm really struggling for words today. So much to say, but no idea of how to say it. Grief has been a beast. Distraction and loss of attention span has become the new normal. My smile has been replaced by numbness and sadness. Every day ends being mentally and emotionally drained. But, we continue to fight on.
Allie this fight for you won't end. We will continue to work with leaders and coalitions to promote violence prevention, justice, and change. We will continue to fight to put people who care about our mission in place and help clean house of those who do not care enough. Your name will forever be tied with our movement. Yellow bracelets and those three words "Live Like Allie" will be forever known. Patience is difficult but critical ... and we will persevere. We still have a lot of work to do.
Rest in Peace baby girl. Please continue to watch over us and don’t hesitate to remind us that you are there!